Sections 12 & 13 (Monday): Conclusions and revision

What we did in class today  – Students wrote the conclusion of their descriptive process essay. We noted that:

  1. The conclusion began with a transition indicating a conclusion, e.g. to conclude, in conclusion, as can be seen, to summarize, in summary;
  2. The topic sentence paraphrased the thesis sentence in the introduction;
  3. The main points were summarized;
  4. The final sentence “echoed back” to something in the introduction (usually the hook).

Shekhah’s introduction was the following

Cleopatra and the early Egyptians were the first to wear lipstick (How It’s Made – Lipstick, n.d.). They crushed ants and beetles to produce the forerunner of today’s lipstick. Thousands of years later, make up companies were still using insects to color their products. In the 1900’s, they relied on a small insect, the cochineal, to extract carmine dye for the red color common to most lipstick (“Lipstick,” 2016). Although carmine dye is no longer used, the process for making lipstick still consists of two steps: mixing and molding.

Shekhah’s conclusion is shown below. Notice that her final sentence “echoes back” (refers back) to her hook in the introduction shown above.

To conclude, mixing and molding are required to produce a tube of lipstick. The formula for the lipstick includes three components. Once mixed, the lipstick is molded by passing through two machines. The final step is adding the familiar sheet by passing the lipstick through a series of heat guns. As can be seen, making lipstick is a much more complicated process than when Cleopatra had her slaves crushing insects so that she could have a cosmetic to beautify her mouth.

After students wrote added the conclusion to their descriptive process essay, the class reviewed “How a Caterpillar Becomes a Buterfly” (pp. 86-88 in Great Writing 5), and then they began revising their paper. They ensured that:

  1. The thesis sentence was the last sentence in the introduction and was specific and named the main points;
  2. Each body paragraph contained a topic sentence that told specifically what the step/stage was that would be discussed in that paragraph;
  3. Each body paragraph contained only ideas that pertained to the specific step/stage being discussed in the paragraph;
  4. Each body paragraph contained examples and other minor supports that helped the reader understand the step/stage.

Students are to submit their revised rough draft – containing the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion – to Turnitin before class on Wednesday, October 19.

Homework

  1. If you have not already done so, read pp. 95-101 in Great Writing 5.
  2. Submit your revised essay to Turnitin no later than before class on Wednesday, October 19. Be sure that it is typed in the ENGL 100 Essay Template saved as your name – Process Essay, for example, Sarah – Process Essay. Be sure you have not changed the formatting. The font should be size 12 Times New Roman, and the first line of each paragraph should be indented. You should use double spacing. (Depress the enter key only once when you want to start a new paragraph.) As you revise, remember that I will deduct marks for 1-4 percent of plagiarism and that departmental policy is students who plagiarize 5+ percent automatically receive a 0 for the final draft.
  3. Read Achieve3000 article Too Many Climbers”and complete the Activity and Thought Question (a one-paragraph summary of the article) before midnight on Friday, Oct. 21.  (This will be marked as Thought Question 3.) Read two other Achieve3000 articles of your choice and complete the Activities for them before midnight on Friday, Oct. 21. (If you want to read extra articles, use the Achieve3000 search engine to locate other articles.)

Bonus Credit – Reading contest 2 – The contest covers the time period from Saturday, Oct 8, through Friday, Oct 21. This is for 0.5% extra credit. To receive credit, you must score 75 or above on Activities for 10 Achieve3000 articles. Only first attempt scores will count.

What we will do in class on Wednesday, Oct 19 – We continue revising our essay so that it can be submitted to Turnitin before midnight the same day.

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